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The Brass Bottle, a novel by F. Anstey |
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Chapter 10. No Place Like Home! |
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_ CHAPTER X. NO PLACE LIKE HOME! "May thy head long survive!" said Fakrash, by way of salutation, as he stepped through the archway. "You're very good," said Horace, whose anger had almost evaporated in the relief of the Jinnee's unexpected return, "but I don't think any head can survive this sort of thing long." "Art thou content with this dwelling I have provided for thee?" inquired the Jinnee, glancing around the stately hall with perceptible complacency. It would have been positively brutal to say how very far from contented he felt, so Horace could only mumble that he had never been lodged like that before in all his life. "It is far below thy deserts," Fakrash observed graciously. "And were thy friends amazed at the manner of their entertainment?" "They were," said Horace. "A sure method of preserving friends is to feast them with liberality," remarked the Jinnee. This was rather more than Horace's temper could stand. "You were kind enough to provide my friends with such a feast," he said, "that they'll never come here again." "How so? Were not the meats choice and abounding in fatness? Was not the wine sweet, and the sherbet like unto perfumed snow?" "Oh, everything was--er--as nice as possible," said Horace. "Couldn't have been better." "Yet thou sayest that thy friends will return no more--for what reason?" "Well, you see," explained Horace, reluctantly, "there's such a thing as doing people too well. I mean, it isn't everybody that appreciates Arabian cooking. But they might have stood that. It was the dancing-girl that did for me." "I commanded that a houri, lovelier than the full moon, and graceful as a young gazelle, should appear for the delight of thy guests." "She came," said Horace, gloomily. "Acquaint me with that which hath occurred--for I perceive plainly that something hath fallen out contrary to thy desires." "Well," said Horace, "if it had been a bachelor party, there would have been no harm in the houri; but, as it happened, two of my guests were ladies, and they--well, they not unnaturally put a wrong construction on it all." "Verily," exclaimed the Jinnee, "thy words are totally incomprehensible to me." "I don't know what the custom may be in Arabia," said Horace, "but with us it is not usual for a man to engage a houri to dance after dinner to amuse the lady he is proposing to marry. It's the kind of attention she'd be most unlikely to appreciate. "Then was one of thy guests the damsel whom thou art seeking to marry?" "She was," said Horace, "and the other two were her father and mother. From which you may imagine that it was not altogether agreeable for me when your gazelle threw herself at my feet and hugged my knees and declared that I was the light of her eyes. Of course, it all meant nothing--it's probably the conventional behaviour for a gazelle, and I'm not reflecting upon her in the least. But, in the circumstances, it was compromising." "I thought," said Fakrash, "that thou assuredst me that thou wast not contracted to any damsel?" "I think I only said that there was no one whom I would trouble you to procure as a wife for me," replied Horace; "I certainly was engaged--though, after this evening, my engagement is at an end--unless ... that reminds me, do you happen to know whether there really was an inscription on the seal of your bottle, and what it said?" "I know naught of any inscription," said the Jinnee; "bring me the seal that I may see it." "I haven't got it by me at this moment," said Horace; "I lent it to my friend--the father of this young lady I told you of. You see, Mr. Fakrash, you got me into--I mean, I was in such a hole over this affair that I was obliged to make a clean breast of it to him. And he wouldn't believe it, so it struck me that there might be an inscription of some sort on the seal, saying who you were, and why Solomon had you confined in the bottle. Then the Professor would be obliged to admit that there's something in my story." "Truly, I wonder at thee and at the smallness of thy penetration," the Jinnee commented; "for if there were indeed any writing upon this seal, it is not possible that one of thy race should be able to decipher it." "Oh, I beg your pardon," said Horace; "Professor Futvoye is an Oriental scholar; he can make out any inscription, no matter how many thousands of years old it may be. If anything's there, he'll decipher it. The question is whether anything is there." The effect of this speech on Fakrash was as unexpected as it was inexplicable: the Jinnee's features, usually so mild, began to work convulsively until they became terrible to look at, and suddenly, with a fierce howl, he shot up to nearly double his ordinary stature. "O thou of little sense and breeding!" he cried, in a loud voice; "how camest thou to deliver the bottle in which I was confined into the hands of this learned man?" Ventimore, startled as he was, did not lose his self-possession. "My dear sir," he said, "I did not suppose you could have any further use for it. And, as a matter of fact, I didn't give Professor Futvoye the bottle--which is over there in the corner--but merely the stopper. I wish you wouldn't tower over me like that--it gives me a crick in the neck to talk to you. Why on earth should you make such a fuss about my lending the seal; what possible difference can it make to you even if it does confirm my story? And it's of immense importance to me that the Professor should believe I told the truth." "I spoke in haste," said the Jinnee, slowly resuming his normal size, and looking slightly ashamed of his recent outburst as well as uncommonly foolish. "The bottle truly is of no value; and as for the stopper, since it is but lent, it is no great matter. If there be any legend upon the seal, perchance this learned man of whom thou speakest will by this time have deciphered it?" "No," said Horace, "he won't tackle it till to-morrow. And it's as likely as not that when he does he won't find any reference to you--and I shall be up a taller tree than ever!" "Art thou so desirous that he should receive proof that thy story is true?" "Why, of course I am! Haven't I been saying so all this time?" "Who can satisfy him so surely as I?" "You!" cried Horace. "Do you mean to say you really would? Mr. Fakrash, you are an old brick! That would be the very thing!" "There is naught," said the Jinnee, smiling indulgently, "that I would not do to promote thy welfare, for thou hast rendered me inestimable service. Acquaint me therefore with the abode of this sage, and I will present myself before him, and if haply he should find no inscription upon the seal, or its purport should be hidden from him, then will I convince him that thou hast spoken the truth and no lie." Horace very willingly gave him the Professor's address. "Only don't drop in on him to-night, you know," he thought it prudent to add, "or you might startle him. Call any time after breakfast to-morrow, and you'll find him in." "To-night," said Fakrash, "I return to pursue my search after Suleyman (on whom be peace!). For not yet have I found him." "If you will try to do so many things at once," said Horace, "I don't see how you can expect much result." "At Nineveh they knew him not--for where I left a city I found but a heap of ruins, tenanted by owls and bats." "They say the lion and the lizard keep the Courts----" murmured Horace, half to himself. "I was afraid you might be disappointed with Nineveh myself. Why not run over to Sheba? You might hear of him there." "Seba of El-Yemen--the country of Bilkees, the Queen beloved of Suleyman," said the Jinnee. "It is an excellent suggestion, and I will follow it without delay." "But you won't forget to look in on Professor Futvoye to-morrow, will you?" "Assuredly I will not. And now, ere I depart, tell me if there be any other service I may render thee." Horace hesitated. "There is just one," he said, "only I'm afraid you'll be offended if I mention it." "On the head and the eye be thy commands!" said the Jinnee; "for whatsoever thou desirest shall be accomplished, provided that it lie within my power to perform it." "Well," said Horace, "if you're sure you don't mind, I'll tell you. You've transformed this house into a wonderful place, more like the Alhambra--I don't mean the one in Leicester Square--than a London lodging-house. But then I am only a lodger here, and the people the house belongs to--excellent people in their way--would very much rather have the house as it was. They have a sort of idea that they won't be able to let these rooms as easily as the others." "Base and sordid dogs!" said the Jinnee, with contempt. "Possibly," said Horace, "it's narrow-minded of them--but that's the way they look at it. They've actually left rather than stay here. And it's their house--not mine." "If they abandon this dwelling, thou wilt remain in the more secure possession." "Oh, shall I, though? They'll go to law and have me turned out, and I shall have to pay ruinous damages into the bargain. So, you see, what you intended as a kindness will only bring me bad luck." "Come--without more words--to the statement of thy request," said Fakrash, "for I am in haste." "All I want you to do," replied Horace, in some anxiety as to what the effect of his request would be, "is to put everything here back to what it was before. It won't take you a minute." "Of a truth," exclaimed Fakrash, "to bestow a favour upon thee is but a thankless undertaking, for not once, but twice, hast thou rejected my benefits--and now, behold, I am at a loss to devise means to gratify thee!" "I know I've abused your good nature," said Horace; "but if you'll only do this, and then convince the Professor that my story is true, I shall be more than satisfied. I'll never ask another favour of you!" "My benevolence towards thee hath no bounds--as thou shalt see; and I can deny thee nothing, for truly thou art a worthy and temperate young man. Farewell, then, and be it according to thy desire." He raised his arms above his head, and shot up like a rocket towards the lofty dome, which split asunder to let him pass. Horace, as he gazed after him, had a momentary glimpse of deep blue sky, with a star or two that seemed to be hurrying through the transparent opal scud, before the roof closed in once more. Then came a low, rumbling sound, with a shock like a mild earthquake: the slender pillars swayed under their horseshoe arches; the big hanging-lanterns went out; the walls narrowed, and the floor heaved and rose--till Ventimore found himself up in his own familiar sitting-room once more, in the dark. Outside he could see the great square still shrouded in grey haze--the street lamps flickering in the wind; a belated reveller was beguiling his homeward way by rattling his stick against the railings as he passed. Inside the room everything was exactly as before, and Horace found it difficult to believe that a few minutes earlier he had been standing on that same site, but twenty feet or so below his present level, in a spacious blue-tiled hall, with a domed ceiling and gaudy pillared arches. But he was very far from regretting his short-lived splendour; he burnt with shame and resentment whenever he thought of that nightmare banquet, which was so unlike the quiet, unpretentious little dinner he had looked forward to. However, it was over now, and it was useless to worry himself about what could not be helped. Besides, fortunately, there was no great harm done; the Jinnee had been brought to see his mistake, and, to do him justice, had shown himself willing enough to put it right. He had promised to go and see the Professor next day, and the result of the interview could not fail to be satisfactory. And after this, Ventimore thought, Fakrash would have the sense and good feeling not to interfere in his affairs again. Meanwhile he could sleep now with a mind free from his worst anxieties, and he went to his room in a spirit of intense thankfulness that he had a Christian bed to sleep in. He took off his gorgeous robes--the only things that remained to prove to him that the events of that evening had been no delusion--and locked them in his wardrobe with a sense of relief that he would never be required to wear them again, and his last conscious thought before he fell asleep was the comforting reflection that, if there were any barrier between Sylvia and himself, it would be removed in the course of a very few more hours. _ |
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