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Jane Talbot, a novel by Charles Brockden Brown |
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Letter 17 - To Henry Colden |
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_ Letter XVII - To Henry Colden (Enclosed Letter.)
Tuesday Morning. You went away this morning before I was awake. I think you might have stayed to breakfast; yet, on second thoughts, your early departure was best. _Perhaps_ it was so. You have made me very thoughtful to-day. What passed last night has left my mind at no liberty to read and to scribble as I used to do. How your omens made me shudder! I want to see you. Can't you come again this evening? but no; you must not. I must not be an encroacher. I must judge of others, and of their claims upon your company, by myself and my own claims. Yet I should be glad to see that creature who would dare to enter into competition with _me_. But I may as well hold my peace. My rights will not be admitted by others. Indeed, no soul but yourself can know them in all their extent, and, what is all I care for, _you_ are far from being strictly just to me! Don't be angry, Hal. Skip the last couple of sentences, or think of them as not mine: I disown them. To-morrow, at six, the fire shall be stirred, the candles lighted, and the sofa placed in order due. I shall be at home to _nobody; mind that_. _I am loath to mention one thing, however, but I must. Though nothing be due to the absent man, somewhat is_ _due to myself. I have been excessively uneasy the whole day. I am terrified at certain consequences. What may not happen if--No; the last night's scene must not be repeated; at least for a month to come. The sweet oblivion of the future and past lasted only for the night. Now I have leisure to look forward, and am resolved (don't laugh at my resolves; I am quite in earnest) to keep thee at a distance for at least a fortnight to come. It shall be a whole month if thou dost not submit with a good grace_. JANE TALBOT. _ |
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